A long time ago, a friend of mine lost her dad to a prolonged illness and she seems to never get over it. I remember thinking to myself, isn't it taking her too long to recover? Now I realise that you can never recover from a lost of a loved one, you just adapt and move on. The funny thing about human beings and our complicated brains is that even though you are missing and loving someone who is no longer with you, you are still able to go through your life in a seemingly normal manner. You can still enjoy a movie, chat with friends, play with your kids. You can even quarrel over small matters, get obsessed in the hottest topic in town, shout at the kids. You can work and go about your business normally but thoughts of your lost loved one is never far from your mind. It's like you subconsciousness, she is always there.
My dearest Emily,
You are never far from my mind. I think of you everyday, EVERYDAY! Pray for me, daddy and your brothers and sister so that we will always walk in the path towards heaven, our ultimate destiny. We love you and miss you dearly.
Love,
Mummy.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
What IFs
I still miss Emily everyday. Everyday, without fail, I think of her. Today, especially, my heart aches for her. So many What IFs came to my mind as I drive to work today. What if she was a healthy and normal little girl? She would still be here with us, just over 10 months old, what a joy she would have been to us. What would she look like? Would she have more hair or still very little?
Memories of her dying in my arms, her funeral mass, her burial played in my mind today. What if we did everything differently that day, would she be saved? If she was saved, I would be busy probably running between work and home and probably the hospital too but at least I have her here to hold and to kiss, to smell and to tickle. I would also be looking into aspects of getting early intervention for her so that she can grow up as normal as possible. Lots of worries, lots of fears, but nothing I would not handle for her.
So many What IFs but nothing is the same anymore. I want things to be different in a good way for her sake. Someone once said to me, there's nothing wrong in feeling the pain of the loss of someone you love. It's how you channel the suffering and pain that will matter. I put them all up to the Lord.
Memories of her dying in my arms, her funeral mass, her burial played in my mind today. What if we did everything differently that day, would she be saved? If she was saved, I would be busy probably running between work and home and probably the hospital too but at least I have her here to hold and to kiss, to smell and to tickle. I would also be looking into aspects of getting early intervention for her so that she can grow up as normal as possible. Lots of worries, lots of fears, but nothing I would not handle for her.
So many What IFs but nothing is the same anymore. I want things to be different in a good way for her sake. Someone once said to me, there's nothing wrong in feeling the pain of the loss of someone you love. It's how you channel the suffering and pain that will matter. I put them all up to the Lord.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)