I am feeling better. I have been attending the daily morning Mass for the past few days at the suggestion of a BEC member and I vouch that it has worked wonders for me. I felt more at peace with myself. I have been sleeping better too. I got 5 hours sleep the night before and 8 hours last night.
Yesterday morning, we went to the cemetery to place some flowers on her grave. Cried at the sight of the little grave of hers. We will make a nice little concrete grave for her in a few months from now, after the ground has set. I was telling my hubby, we should visit her grave often so that we do not forget her. Planning to do so again this Saturday, exactly one week from her passing.
The prayers are still ongoing at our house every evening. The BEC/zone members are such wonderful people and we are so blessed to have them in our community. My hubby's godfather, big P, who is always the life of the party, is a big man with a even bigger heart. He has been here daily. Aunty A, the most lovely God-loving lady who treats me like one of her daughters, has been giving me lovely words of encouragement. And the many other BEC and zone members who have been so supportive even though we may not know each other so well. My close friend, A, who is also a Catholic but living in a different place, said that she should be joining her BEC activities after seeing how our BEC/Zone members have been so supportive to our family at these times. I hope she does that because, being a Christian is about community living, people unified by their faith and love for Christ and these people form the Church.
These few days, I also realised how wonderful my hubby is. I just told him, you are not a perfect man but you are a perfect husband for me. With him by my side, the burden of this whole difficulty journey I have traveled in the past few months and especially the last few days has been lightened by half. I guess it is the same for him too and that is what marriage is about, sharing everything... for better for worse...
I still stare at her picture near the altar at home for long periods. I talk to her picture and I cry. I am not ready to put thoughts of her away. After the 7 days prayers complete, I will put her picture amongst our family photos displayed in our house. I know when time passes, I will be able to talk fondly and proudly about her with family and friends, without the grief that I feel now. I am recalling all her special traits, her beautiful smile, her lovely laugh and her cute pout. I want these beautiful images of my Millie-girl (that was what I called her) engrained into my brain, of course the many pictures I took of her will help, lest my memory starts to fade.
And this blog which I started a few months back with the purpose of recording our journey with Emily will be fondly read from time to time to remember her by. A thought came to me 2 days ago, I think I should get this blog published into a booklet of something, so that I can share my experience with parents out there who may be facing difficult times like us. I hope that someone, even if it is just one person out there, find this helpful, it will be a worthy effort. I am not sure yet how this can be done, but I will try. I have a few more thoughts that I want to enter into this blog before I close it for good.
No comments:
Post a Comment